You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
