The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
