So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
