dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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