I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
