We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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