im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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