i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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