You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
