i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
