Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
