why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
