Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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