there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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