so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
