Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
