1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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