tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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