I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
