I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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