Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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