nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Soap is not a condiment
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
