nut hugger
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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