Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
