There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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