nut hugger
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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