Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
