Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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