is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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