bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
