Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
