You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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