everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
