He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you had me at cake vodka
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
