Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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