were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
