If that was your dad, he is hot
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
