I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
