We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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