I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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