I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
