i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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