How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
