absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
