Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
