Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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