Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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