I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
