Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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