I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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