Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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