Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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