She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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