Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.