I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
