New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
