tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
