Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
