mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
