why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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