if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
