He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
