I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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