she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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