Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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