I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
