anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
