We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it glows. i had to have it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bring me that man meat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
