You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
