Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
