I could make wine with my vomit
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I want is dick and wine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
