Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
